Lost – The feeling not show…
I don’t really know how to start describing how I feel, or what I’m doing – all I know is there is more out there in this world for me. I feel so so lost it’s not funny.
I have been trying to conquer the world, I take a step forward then I feel like I’m shot back another ten, I hate it. the only consistent practices are my boys and health and fitness. This morning Harry was up at 3.30am – nope, roll over, back to sleep. Then again at 4.30am – ok, time to have a double shot short black, my pills & a Voost and head to gym.
Hopefuy today will be a relaxing day, Andrew and I are doing a last minute trip to Townsville kidless! Wahoo! Party! Haha I wish! But no 🙁 Mum is running something similar to daddy daycare today – Jack & Harry, their cousins and mum’s friends with kids, Jack is such a handful at the moment I’m hoping the extra simulation wares him out! Doubt it- he’s like an enigizer bunny on steroids… like really high tech steroids, it’s exhaustimg!
I was talking to one of my dear mates the other day and told him “I’ve pulled my big girl pants up and stopped being a little bitch about life…. I figure I’ve been through a fuck load worse to let everything turn to shit…” and you know what – this is just god testing me to decide what path he is going to send me down next. God has given me life, sent me to deaths door to wake me up, and brought me back to achieve greatness.
God I surrender, I will no longer try so hard to conquer the world, please guide me to the right path you choose to send me down. And please, please stop Jack from going all W.W.E on his baby brother… I’m so worried, I can’t leave Harry alone at all when Jack’s awake – I’m pulling my freaking hair out! Jack has absolutely no remorse for anything he does wrong – sounds familiar, have you met his mother? I send him to the ‘thinking corner’ – nothing, smack him – nothing. Yet when his father is around he’s nowhere near as naughty as he is for me! It’s like I’ll I do is try to get through the day so I can fall asleep and do it all over again.
The only thing that is a must in my day is an hour at least at the gym and for that to be it is shit. A note to myself:- Amy settle down, breathe, go to JK’s for a coffee, chill! Just keep putting along and keep doing what you love… everything else will follow.
Like Jack says – “PATIENTS MUMMY!”